I set myself up every time.

PaChomp: “Ducky. You have to brush your teeth every morning and night whether you eat anything or not.”

Ducky: “Why?”

PaChomp: “One: because your breath stinks once it has been in there for more than an hour. And two: because you don’t want to get cavities.”

Ducky: “Why?”

PaChomp: “Because cavities are bad for you.”

Ducky: “Why?”

PaChomp: “Because cavities make your teeth rot and you don’t want that.”

Ducky: “Why?”

PaChomp: “Because then you’ll have to go to the dentist and get fillings or get your teeth pulled out and you don’t want that.”

Ducky: “Why?”

PaChomp: “Because then your teeth will look like mine.” opens mouth

Disgusted Ducky: “You don’t brush you teeth?!!”

What do I do?  I brush my teeth more than anybody I know.  I floss every time I eat and if that doesn’t make me feel fresh enough, I have little disposable one-time-use toothbrushes that I keep in my purse that I use for a quick cleaning.  All of this and the doc still finds cavities and cracked teeth every time I see him. 

What do I do?  If I tell Ducky that he has to brush his teeth every morning and night and floss and keep little toothbrushes with him throughout the day and still get fillings and teeth pulled out, I lose.

What do I do?!  I lie my ass off.

Humiliated PaChomp: “No, Ducky.  No, I don’t brush my teeth.”

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